What Van Gogh Taught Me

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.
                                                                                               -Vincent Van Gogh

I am an artist. I have been since I can remember.  I won a contest when I was in the second grade.  It was a big deal at the private school in Pittsburgh that I was sent to because my mom taught there and we could go for free.  It was a pretty impressive school with an impressive name...the kind where all the students (only girls) wore plaid uniforms and took ballet lessons and learned greek at age 12.  My German born art teacher had lots of resources in her art room and I got the bug early.  It must have been something about that environment that gave me the confidence to actually truly believe at age 7, I was as good as any artist in the museums.  I was told, "Kim, you a a gifted artist" over and over again and I believed it.  As I grew up, I started to doubt it but I still sketched, painted, collaged and never put down the brush.  It was my thing.  I owned it.  Even though I knew better now when I visited the museums that the artists represented on the walls were far more gifted, I still counted myself among them.  They were my people.  I was inspired by them, not intimidated...inspired.  I fully accepted by my 20s that I would never be an artist in museums in New York City.  I even decided against art school for a more traditional degree.  I still painted.  It was still my thing.  They were still my people.  In my 30s, I started a family, had a career in non-profit and had my very first art show.  I was nervous but it always felt like a fit.  I never felt new to it...which leads me to today.

Today, I felt new to something and got that fish out of water feeling you kinda dread.  New to a completely foreign land...a land of sporting competition.  I wasn't joking when I said I have never really exercised...it was not my thing.  Sure, I rode a bike, took hikes, played in the Montana outdoors but I never was in a competitive sport, never ran a mile, and never really thought exercise was for me.  But today, in running class we had a relay race.  Four teams of three people.  Each team running 100 laps as fast as they could get them done.  I was paired with the fastest in the class to make it fair.  I also ran the least amount of laps.  We also still took third place.  Now while it was all for fun and no hard feelings...it left me a bit down on myself until I remembered those famous artists that inspired me without any thought that I didn't belong among them. 

So why was this different?  The answer is...it isnt different.  I thought back on class today and remembered...I showed up again.  I am completely committed and I am doing my best.  I also am surrounded by a great group of people that have been at this for years and I have been at this for 2 months.   So just like those artists in the museums...I am now inspired by the more advanced runners around me and furthermore...I believe I belong to this group.