Mile by Mile Half Marathon T-shirt from Zazzle.com

http://www.zazzle.com/mile_by_mile_half_marathon_t_shirt-235570647485741204

Buy this HALF or FULL marathon t-shirt and proceeds go to Youth Homes Inc.!  Free shipping ends tomorrow!  Click on link to see closer image...caption says "one foot in front of the other" 

Both the Half and the Full Marathon t-shirts are customizable to whatever t-shirt color, size or style you want that is available on the zazzle site.  Make sure you click the customize button to change the font color (or font size or for that matter...add some personalization if you want) ANYWAY...if you pick a dark colored shirt you'll need to make sure the font color works so the words will show up!  All proceeds of the t-shirt sales will go towards my fundrasing for the Youth Homes!  Thank you Missoulian (for taking the picture) and Jennifer Sauer (for wearing such a cool shirt) that gave me the idea to steal from some other clever person that designed this concept for a marathon shirt...hope that doesn't get me in trouble...(buy em quick!)

Mile by Mile Marathon Shirt from Zazzle.com

Mile by Mile Marathon Shirt from Zazzle.com

Click on the link above to buy this FULL marathon t-shirt and proceeds will go to YHI!  Free shipping ends tomorrow!

One hour and forty three minutes...two blisters, a little blood, one public restroom and an unexpected desire for goo...

Who would think I would develop such an admiration for non cotton socks, the sight of orange spray paint, or the invention of a little packet of goo? Today was a big day of discoveries. I discovered I actually would survive an eight mile run. I discovered the meaning of a good pair of running socks…not just ones that look the part. And I discovered I apparently lose my legs past mile seven.

Here’s how it went:

Mile one: Man…today is a beautiful day. I can’t think of better weather…the sky is blue…my mind is clear. I feel all better after that ridiculous flu. I am going to do eight miles…what a huge big beautiful day.

Ahhh yeah…there they go. I’m used to it now…runners passing me (on both sides). Look at them go. Go right ahead…I am at peace with pace. I embrace the 12 and ½ minute mile. I am in it for the long haul. I am the picture of consistency. I am steady.  I am a force.

Mile two: Crap…I feel a bit of a side ache. Go AWAY! Remember to breath Kim...deep inhale and blow it out. Purse your lips. Do that coordinated step breathing thing...oh man...please please dont get bad enough that I have to start waving my arms in the air... NO aches. NO whammies. NO! Wow…I think I kicked it. I’m feeling a bit better. Oh look…the aid station. Beautiful little cups of water. How far is it? What’s that? Oh…2 ½ is all…oh…okay. Keep going to the orange spray painted 4? Okay. What wonderful lovely aid station people...it’s only another 1 ½ miles and I get to turn around. Not bad.

Mile three: You gotta be kidding…those must be the 13 milers…look how far ahead they are…why are they turning down THAT street? They can’t be the 8 milers. Well…just keep going. Just keep breathing. Just keep going...don't think about it...think about something else…I’m a rock star…that’s what people tell me. I rock. I do rock. Lets rock. I am now rocking. I’m on a stage. I’m playing guitar…I’m singing…I’m…oh, forget it…I’m running and it hurts. And it stinks. And I can’t believe I am not at mile four yet. Oh...here she comes…that woman that always catches me half way through ever time. OH…that means we are almost half way through…right???  Awesome!  She's awesome.  I LOVE her.

Mile four:  THERE IT IS! That beautiful bright orange spray painted number 4. I LOVE the number 4. And I now turn around. YES! Oh wait…4 more miles...craaaaap. Get out of your head. You just ran four…you can do four more. You did six a few weeks ago. You’re on the downhill now. And we’re smiling…we’re running....ah...we're looking for a bathroom.

Mile five: Bathroom. Bathroom…gotta pee. GOT TO PEE. GEEZZZZZzzz…I went about a billion times before the run. I thought I did a good job balancing my need to hydrate with my need to NOT go to the bathroom on this ridiculously long run. Bathroom. Bathroom. Restaurant? No…too much trouble.

Mile six: There they are again…those wonderful people with the aid station. What’s that? No…no thanks…no more water…I’ve got to go…you know...go.  Oh, right…the bathroom at the park. Great! Thanks…there it is….run to the bathroom. The very public…very well used…by apparently A LOT of little people…park bathroom. Ewww. Wipe. Wipe. And we’re bouncing as we’re cleaning….Ah hell…nevermind…just go!

Mile seven: There she went…the speed walker. She has run and walked this like a champ. She has come out of nowhere and seems just as fast as me and I’ve run the whole thing. She’s got some years on me but I can tell just by looking at her she has more mental stamina. She’s something. She’s swing her arms. She’s moving fast. She gained some ground because of my miniscule bladder. But…I can proudly say…I overtook her leaving the park. She apparently has no idea she is my competition. She seems not to notice. Well played my speed walking foe.

Mile eight: Where did they go? They were here a minute ago. Somehow...my legs have gone missing. I don’t know where they went…but I do know they disappeared and I now seem to just fall forward only to be jolted back into place by the feet that catch me. Oh, my feet. Don’t fail me now…I see the high school. MUST keep going…this must be what the goo is for...more umph.  Oh, that’s nice…look at all the people in cars letting me go. I can tell by the look in their eyes they recognize I’m at the threshold of hell and not to be messed with. They kindly let me go even though they clearly will need to wait a longer time than anticipated as I carefully cross the street with the speed walker in tow. She will not prevail. I get passed by a herd of advanced runners that started atleast a half an hour after me and listen to them chat and laugh with ease. Could they atleast make it seem like a bit of a bother? Really. At the bridge now…almost there. On my way through downtown, I pass the smell of breakfast as people sit in the sun and enjoy the start of their day. Huff…cough…sigh…breathing...cursing…panting…I pass them. I can see it now. The finish. Speed walker is across the street and behind me by a block or two. I smoked her. I kick ass. I am a rock star…well, maybe a soft rocker Joni Mitchell type. 

I ran eight.

Setbacks, Hellgate Canyon Carnage and Tylenol

Apparently, according to historians, “the name Hellgate (for Hellgate Canyon) came from French trappers, who found carnage from warfare, including bones and bodies, in the canyon on the east edge of town.” (www.missoula.montana.com) Nowadays, Hellgate Canyon gets its wicked reputation from the bitter winds that whip through the passage and hit your skin in a way that actually makes you feel like you ordered the deluxe high buff package at the drive thru car wash. This was the site of the training run last Sunday. It also happened to be my first run back after a week off with the flu…oh the luck. So I quickly made the wise decision to go four miles instead of sticking to the training schedule for beginning full marathoners which would have been seven.

It was hard to make that decision. And that was a surprise to me. I’ve never been one to push myself in the case of exercise. It just hasn’t been my thing. So my new found inner voice that keeps me honest with this running gig was kinda disappointed. But I know my wiser and let’s say more seasoned voice of practicality and reason duly noted this disappointment but ultimately prevailed. I think it was best. After all, I would hate to bring the original connotation of the name Hellgate back into common usage. Yes…just four then. It won’t be hard. Should feel pretty easy…and then I went outside.

While adjusting my headphones my hat almost blew right off my head. First bad sign. Then, as I pointed my body in the direction of the assigned route…I actually think I heard the wind snicker as it attempted to blow me out of my shiny new running shoes. To make matters more interesting, the remnants of my flu symptoms were kicking into gear and the wad of Kleenex I decided I had desperately needed for this particular run blew out of my hands and down the sidewalk as if to announce to the world my amateur status (more seasoned runners don’t need Kleenex –see previous posts).

I won’t go into boring details but the rest of the run didn’t go much better. But, as my friend Eldena says, “I might not be fast but I’m a finisher.” I like it. I’ll use it. In fact, I did use it as I said it to myself over and over again during those four miles into Hellgate Canyon and back. So setbacks will happen and I’d be willing to bet I may have another one or two in this training journey but I know now that while they will present some interesting obstacles, I will (most likely) eventually finish.

Next week…it’s eight miles. 
In the wise words of Mr. Clark W. Griswold...
"Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?" 
Wish me luck.

All kidding aside, set backs are something that the staff often see with the kids at the Youth Homes… especially when the dynamics of the house change. This week, Hannah had some struggles with feeling a bit displaced. With the addition of a new girl at the group home, Hannah started to feel like she could be abandoned yet again. Even though the staff worked to assure her that she is fully supported, she started to act on her fears and reach for out for past connections that might not be healthy or even available.

Youth Homes staff wrote this update:

The last week has really been a struggle for Hannah. We recently got a new resident, and Hannah is having difficulty with the adjustment. Hannah’s been able to get a lot of individualized attention and also got to be the youngest of the house. Upon the arrival of the new resident, Hannah lost these comforts because she now sees the new and younger girl as a competition for attention. Hannah has struggled with these feelings before, and it appears she fears losing the relationships she has built. She was really flourishing before and was beginning to better understand what treatment here at the Youth Homes meant. The new struggle for Hannah will be to understand that she will not lose what she’s established, but that life is full of changes that you can learn to navigate.

For now, Hannah has become jealous and resentful towards the new girl’s past. She has begun to think more and more about her birth family, and the anger is beginning to come through. Hannah sees the newest arrival as ungrateful for being able to know her birth family, but is unable to see how staying with this family has wounded her. Hannah is now becoming very emotional about her own family memories, specifically about her birth mother, who she was removed from when she was a baby. She has vocalized wanting to have contact or at least get information about her mother. In the past, Hannah has said the only information she’s gotten about her birth family was negative. How do you explain to a 14 year old, who has said nothing but horrible things about her birth family, that this may not be the best idea right now? All we can do is try to help guide her and prove that we will be here for her as she is finding her way through all the emotions attached to her past.

A Lesson Learned on Dreaded Day Five

It’s day five.

One day since the fever broke.

Two days since I’ve stepped outside.

It’s been three days since I’ve taken a shower.

And four days since I’ve actually smelled something…which might be good considering the look of this place. But today is day five and I fear I am now at my breaking point. You know…that point when everything just turns a bit more sour than you imagined it could. The day you realize you are actually grossing yourself out with your own unmanageable cough, sneeze, blow routine. The day you remember to stop taking your daily health for granted. The day you stare at the dishes soaking in a sea of milk infused water…muster up a faint wimper in the direction of your barking dog…glare at the unfolded mountain of laundry that is now spread wide on the dining room floor and then just take a minute to just…weep. Day five is not for the faint of heart.

Pathetic. Sad. Truth.

Running seems like forever ago when it’s just been a little under a week but I can truly say I miss it. That is the best thing I can come away with from this stinking flu. I miss running. WOW. I want to go for a run. Double WOW. And I will not take for granted my day to day health ever again…well, I probably will but I will try to remember that under this bed of Kleenex and Vick Vapor Rub…lies a basically healthy and blessed gal that needs to remember to be thankful for the days when she just feels tired or sore instead of mentally, emotionally or physically impaired to the point of not being able to run or do other things that I often take for granted.

I will get better. Maybe on day six or seven…and when I do…I will GET to run. And for that I am thankful. Until then…I will rest in my Nyquil induced slumber.

Eliminating Impossible

My son has learned to crawl. I witnessed it today. Truth is he has been getting around for the last week with this sort of shuffle ball kick motion that would make any soft shoe dancer proud. But this afternoon, I looked down and saw the actual, bum in the air, hands and feet moving as one action that is unmistakably crawling. He still needs some practice but he is definitely getting around with goal oriented ambition. And he is delighted to be getting to all of the places he has been dreaming of getting to over the last few weeks…yes, the far corner of the living room that houses an interesting mess of cords and plugs that has been taunting him for days is now attainable. Life has suddenly gotten bigger. What was once seemingly impossible is now possible.

I remember feeling his frustration…“it’s impossible to run that far.” That’s what I used to think…just a couple of months ago. Someone I knew was running six miles earlier that morning and I thought…I can’t even imagine running that far. It’s impossible...how am I going to ever be able to do that? It goes against my nature. I’m not athletic…I’m not a runner. I just hope I can make it through tomorrow’s workout.

Then, as I was remembering how that self-doubt never served me well, my thoughts again turned to Hannah. At times, she must think a happier life seems impossible...out of her grasp. After all, she has been told, maybe not directly, but by the actions of the people in her past that she is a lost cause…with the odds against her from the day she was born. Naturally, many believe she’ll inevitably take after the horrible examples she was given. Naturally, (time and time again) she rejects healthy guidance. Naturally, she could turn into a similiar version of the people she has been hurt by. That seems to be her fate. That is what is predicted by many. That she (a very recently turned 14 year old girl) is without hope. In fact, she probably even sometimes thinks her chances are impossible because in her short life, she hasn’t been given much proof otherwise.

So here’s what I think now that I’ve come almost half way and now that I have proven myself wrong in my misguided theories of just what exactly is impossible.

In the case of Hannah, the past is behind her and though she carries the pain, struggle and burden of it with her every day…I believe she will discover her ability to dig deeper and work hard for a better future will surprise her. I believe she will overcome her “impossible” with the support of the Youth Homes and this community. After all, if I didn’t and if people in general didn’t… then, well… there would be no point, no hope and no reason to try anything in the case of a 14 year old girl who has had no real proof that she matters. That would be the only really impossible situation.

So let’s throw out the idea of “impossible” shall we? Let’s get behind the idea that while things seem daunting and against all odds…we can make change happen. From a very natural progression of a baby learning to crawl to a pursuit of a middle aged woman with no history of athletic ability learning to run to a young girl with a nightmare of a past learning to fight for a better future…we all need to believe in overcoming the seemingly impossible and the very relative challenges in our lives.

Oh… and Easter morning April 4, 2010 I ran my six miles…took me a very long hour and 15 minutes and I thought of my hope that Hannah will prove to herself the "impossible" can be done...pretty much the whole way.

On the last mile of Sunday's six mile training run...

the end of this bridge will be the site of the finish line for

the both the half and full Missoula Marathon in July.

Impossible?  Nope.