Learning to Crawl...like a good little baby

Have you ever really watched a baby just starting to learn to crawl? They get pissed A LOT of the time. And the people that love them LET them get pissed and have patience remembering the little cherub is just learning. Even when they don’t believe they can do it…the people around them just coo at them and give them a little nudge. This is me. I am the pissed baby.

My friend Lisa asked me to join a running class at the Y. “Just consider it Kim…it would be good to run with other people, they start you at your level…it’s no pressure…it’s fun” she said. I responded, “yeah…sounds good…I’ll defiantly probably do it…probably…yes.” In my mind, I sigh and remind myself to take a breath. It is a great idea. Running with others…yes, I will have to do this eventually. I can’t help but to think of Forrest Gump just running because he felt like it and then remember when all those people started to run with him? Was it the same? Did he feel the pressure of those feet all around him pounding in rhythm…pushing him to keep moving. Did he even think about it? Of course not, it was a character in a damn movie. I guess my question is will I be able to run with others and not feel…lost.

Not lost like I’m having problems with being insignificant…lost like, “What the hell am I doing here?” I still move slower than a 75 year old speed walker (seriously, the one time I tried a 5 K an old lady passed me speed walking…yeah, I know). That being said, I can hear my friends already reminding me that I’ve only really just begun and anything worth doing takes some time…some commitment… but will I ever feel like I fit with this new pursuit? Afterall, I’m not just running ever once in awhile. I’m running 4 or 5 days a week and doing yoga the other 2 and then keeping up with the 3 kids, ignoring my art and…blah blah blah (I realize my pain is only special to me…thank you Amy…you’re completely right and it’s good to remember). My point is not to point to what I’m doing but to realize I’m in the middle of a big lifestyle change and it’s kinda daunting. I’m even eating differently (people that know me well know that is HUGE)…who am I? I guess the scariest question yet is…will I keep it up? Can I count on myself to actually lay a good foundation with my effort so that it will become habit instead of a whim? Will this be a starting point for the rest of my life or just the rest of this particular six month stretch until the big day? And for as much of an introvert as I am…I sure picked a public way of finding this out. Damn accountability…no, I mean thank God for accountability.

I’m pretty sure the kids at the Youth Homes don’t get to just stop working on things when they move beyond the Youth Homes doors. Here’s to Hannah and her work on getting a good foundation at the Girl’s Home.