Setbacks, Hellgate Canyon Carnage and Tylenol

Apparently, according to historians, “the name Hellgate (for Hellgate Canyon) came from French trappers, who found carnage from warfare, including bones and bodies, in the canyon on the east edge of town.” (www.missoula.montana.com) Nowadays, Hellgate Canyon gets its wicked reputation from the bitter winds that whip through the passage and hit your skin in a way that actually makes you feel like you ordered the deluxe high buff package at the drive thru car wash. This was the site of the training run last Sunday. It also happened to be my first run back after a week off with the flu…oh the luck. So I quickly made the wise decision to go four miles instead of sticking to the training schedule for beginning full marathoners which would have been seven.

It was hard to make that decision. And that was a surprise to me. I’ve never been one to push myself in the case of exercise. It just hasn’t been my thing. So my new found inner voice that keeps me honest with this running gig was kinda disappointed. But I know my wiser and let’s say more seasoned voice of practicality and reason duly noted this disappointment but ultimately prevailed. I think it was best. After all, I would hate to bring the original connotation of the name Hellgate back into common usage. Yes…just four then. It won’t be hard. Should feel pretty easy…and then I went outside.

While adjusting my headphones my hat almost blew right off my head. First bad sign. Then, as I pointed my body in the direction of the assigned route…I actually think I heard the wind snicker as it attempted to blow me out of my shiny new running shoes. To make matters more interesting, the remnants of my flu symptoms were kicking into gear and the wad of Kleenex I decided I had desperately needed for this particular run blew out of my hands and down the sidewalk as if to announce to the world my amateur status (more seasoned runners don’t need Kleenex –see previous posts).

I won’t go into boring details but the rest of the run didn’t go much better. But, as my friend Eldena says, “I might not be fast but I’m a finisher.” I like it. I’ll use it. In fact, I did use it as I said it to myself over and over again during those four miles into Hellgate Canyon and back. So setbacks will happen and I’d be willing to bet I may have another one or two in this training journey but I know now that while they will present some interesting obstacles, I will (most likely) eventually finish.

Next week…it’s eight miles. 
In the wise words of Mr. Clark W. Griswold...
"Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?" 
Wish me luck.

All kidding aside, set backs are something that the staff often see with the kids at the Youth Homes… especially when the dynamics of the house change. This week, Hannah had some struggles with feeling a bit displaced. With the addition of a new girl at the group home, Hannah started to feel like she could be abandoned yet again. Even though the staff worked to assure her that she is fully supported, she started to act on her fears and reach for out for past connections that might not be healthy or even available.

Youth Homes staff wrote this update:

The last week has really been a struggle for Hannah. We recently got a new resident, and Hannah is having difficulty with the adjustment. Hannah’s been able to get a lot of individualized attention and also got to be the youngest of the house. Upon the arrival of the new resident, Hannah lost these comforts because she now sees the new and younger girl as a competition for attention. Hannah has struggled with these feelings before, and it appears she fears losing the relationships she has built. She was really flourishing before and was beginning to better understand what treatment here at the Youth Homes meant. The new struggle for Hannah will be to understand that she will not lose what she’s established, but that life is full of changes that you can learn to navigate.

For now, Hannah has become jealous and resentful towards the new girl’s past. She has begun to think more and more about her birth family, and the anger is beginning to come through. Hannah sees the newest arrival as ungrateful for being able to know her birth family, but is unable to see how staying with this family has wounded her. Hannah is now becoming very emotional about her own family memories, specifically about her birth mother, who she was removed from when she was a baby. She has vocalized wanting to have contact or at least get information about her mother. In the past, Hannah has said the only information she’s gotten about her birth family was negative. How do you explain to a 14 year old, who has said nothing but horrible things about her birth family, that this may not be the best idea right now? All we can do is try to help guide her and prove that we will be here for her as she is finding her way through all the emotions attached to her past.